Some say getting started is the toughest part of the job. What an idiot. The job is the toughest part of the job. This time, I got sucked into this good little deed that turned out to be a lot bigger than anyone originally thought.
She read in the church bulletin that some charity was going to have their annual big fundraiser rummage sale in August. Always a sucker for a good deed, she decided this was a good opportunity to tackle the garage. The garage had become the black hole of crappola collection, where a sherpa, sure footing, and possibly a small weapon were needed to traverse from one side to the other unaccosted. Unless you’re me, Chuck or Jack. Then, come on. We do what we do. Chuck roundhouse kicks sherpas. Jack had one for a partner. Once. Enough said.
Back to the mess, they could still get both cars into it, so one side was deceptive, but when you looked to the tool bench and beyond, let’s just say, disaster is the first word that came to my mind. Or bad day in Calcutta, Norris’ high school locker, or, looks like Bauer’s been in the neighborhood. Sh–hole would be Jack’s immediate thought. I was appalled that anyone could allow their habitat to become such an abyss and my military training and sense of order were pushed to their limits. Thus, the Friends in Need Charity annual rummage sale became my call to arms. Added to that, the mister would be traveling extensively over the next couple weeks which gave us an empty car stall to fill with donatables, so the stars and planets seemed in allignment. The final piece in the karma puzzle; when Erin made a stop through on her way to the west coast, I opted to hang out here for a while, and, as you know, I am always up for a challenge. In just a few short days, the garage would be cleaned out and organized, Friends in Need would gain much saleable booty, and the mister would be pleased and surprised at the magical transformation that took place while he was gone. It would be sorta like the While You Were Out TV show, but without the sappy host, hunky carpenter, and designer who flunked out.
This would not be your simple eenie-meenie-minee-moe, this goes here, that goes there, don’t look behind the curtain, just deal with the stuff in view, voila! and we’re done, cleaning. I don’t work like that. I knew what lurked behind the cabinet doors, what evil hid in dark places, what damage had wreaked by unseen creatures as they wintered over, uninvited, so I was determined to open the closed, see the unseen, and rid the cabinets of their secret shame. You see, the cabinet insides were a perfect example of a good intention gone terribly wrong. Last fall, or was it the year before? the mister thought it would be a good idea to feed the birds over the winter, so he went out and bought a mega-size bag of sunflower seeds. they say the bird feeder was filled once. Then that good intention began paving the road to you know where and bird feeding was replaced by, it doesn’t matter. Excuse, excuses, excuses, as far as I’m concerned. It turned into a big stinking mess.
Anyone with half a brain could have easily figured out would happen next. Without effort, they stupidly created the perfect winter haven for every mouse in Washentaw county; dark protected cupboards, filled with things stored in cardboard boxes, or as mice call it, “nesting material,” plus they stocked the pantry for rodents (I hate rodents almost as much as I hate painting) with a large bag of seed. Faster than you can say, “you don’t know Jack”, word was out over all the mouse chat lines in the area. Or quite possible one mouse and her offspring kept the party to herself. Rodents, in case you don’t know, self-impregnate then have a gestation period of about, ohhhh, say 7 minutes. They always have litters in the double digits, who then self-impregnate by the time they are two hours old and before you know it, an endless cycle of vermin propagation is on your doorstep, or in this case, in the garage.
Undaunted, I made a plan: open, remove everything, vacuum out the disgusting evidence, disinfect with a bleach solution, paint the surfaces with Kilz, and repaint, caulk every crack, every seam, to eliminate entry, get rid of anything that can be used as nesting fodder or food, then sort, purge, organize. Left to right. Muddle through/rhythm and pace/slow and steady/while holding your breath and trying not to die of some unknown virus caused by airborn mouse poo spores. I made a list: rubbermaids to put the keepers in-all paper/cardboard/nesting material had to be eliminated, Kilz, latex gloves and masks (for her, I always wear gloves and carry my own gas mask), paint, caulk. I sent her off to Lowes while I reconnoitered the place.
Back with the first load of supplies and it was time to jump in. I suggested C-4, an explosive which I just happened to always keep a small supply of on hand. While the mister’s motto is ‘rhythm and pace’, mine is ‘quick and dirty’. She tried logic: they’d already had an insurance claim this month and this would be even harder to explain. I let her have that one. I put away my bag and changed into some real work clothes. It’s not like this was going to be a walk in the park. Hardcore cleaning. Thus the attack began, one cupboard at a time; she was on a road to discovery and self-actualization. Discovery #1, mice can turn 20 pounds of sunflower seeds into 19 pounds of shells and 34 pounds of poo. Discovery #2, a shop vac is possibly the greatest invention of all time if you don’t have C-4. Discovery #3, mice can and will crap everywhere. Discovery #4, they don’t have one of anything. They have multiples. Self-actualizations: they have too much crap, they never need another roll of electrical tape, bungee cord or can of WD-40 for the rest of their lives, and they probably already have it in triplicate so never need to buy it again, no matter what it is.
To make a short story long, it took closer to three weeks than three days. I know. I know. Bauer would have done it in 24 hours but he is never slowed down by working with a woman and he kills his partners who don’t keep up the pace. I, on the other hand, am a guest and as one must keep the pace that the host sets. Let me just say, she works pretty slow. I took care of the heavy lifting and dirty work, she did the sorting and purging. We went through every cupboard/shelf/container and cleaned, sorted, donated, getting rid of the crap, and purging the duplicates. We were both quite pleased with the outcome. We haven’t tackle the tops of the cupboards-their ‘oh, let’s just stick it up there for now’ place-but what we have accomplished is a big improvement. It’s now organized with everything having a place and being in it’s place. Friends in Need has a significant addition for it’s rummage sale, and they should be able to find what ever it is that they are looking for now so they won’t buy another one, just because that’s so much easier than trying to dig through the haystack to find the needle.
Below are the pictures that we took. (double click on the picture, then click on slideshow when the photos appear)
By the way, they have 19 rolls of electrical tape, 8 cans of WD-40, 27 bungee cords, and quite possibly every kind of hardware that Menards sells, so stop by their place in case you need something.
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