Back in the saddle, again

Busy month, where do I start? Let’s see. Last time we talked I was heading south with the CIA. More about that in a couple days when I screeen the recon photos and decide which ones to post. I know I can trust you, but still, one can’t be too careful.

The Bluerocks came to a disappointing, yet predictable, end yesterday. Penney, shut down with some undisclosed issues, decided to head back to homebase when the regular season ended with the division championship. He’d done his part and now it was left to the never been an ESPN Top Ten’ers to get the job finshed. Of course, with Penney outta there thus my mojo gone, they were a miserable lot and got blasted out with a quick two in a row. Too bad. Learn to appreciate! That’s what I say. Meanwhile, Mike and the Mrs. got back to C-town to get started on next season. Penney now has his own Attilla (see trackback) and will be finding out just how tough he is. Words of advice: Butch up, Nancy! You gotta learn to take one for the team!

In the mean time, Michigan volleyball has started. After two successful road trips, they have three weeks at home and I can’t wait to take my mojo to their games. The teams had been routinely successful in the pre-season but with the Big Ten looming in the not so distant future, simply put, they need me. I’m trading drinking cold ones in the sun to watching hot ones in the gym. Yeah, I can handle it. You gotta make sacrifices for your team but, hey, that’s why I get the big bucks.

Top Ten Things You Should Know about M2

M2 is known by several names: Mark Raikes II (on his birth certificate-it’s too long and he rarely uses it except at church and formal ceremonies), M2, and Deux. When he wants it to be really simple, he just goes by II. I’m never going to tell you this again so don’t forget it. 

1. Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer and M2 are all best friends. If any one of them should ever get in a jam and need one of the others to come to his rescue . . . Oh wait, I gotta stop laughing, I almost peed. Like any one of them could ever get in a jam he couldn’t get out of all by himself. Yeah, now that’s funny. Really, they just get together for a beer once in a while and talk about justice.

2. The K-BaR, world’s deadliest weapon, is just a secret accronym for Chuck, Jack and Mark II. The military came up with it by using the 5th letter from each of their names: chucK, jack B And mark R. This is a military secret. If you tell anyone, you will be getting a visit. You DO NOT want to get a visit.

3. M2 has never paid taxes. The I.R.S. sends him their W-2 form with a check. And a thank you note.

4. Chuck Norris kills people with his roundhouse kick. Jack Bauer uses his bare hands. M2 just looks at you with those eyes. Then you die.

5. Inside Mark II beats the heart of a lion. I’m not being fiugrative here. He went to Africa, found the biggest, baddest, fiercest, ugliest lion that ever existed and swallowed it whole. The heart is still beating.

6. M2 has never been stabbed, shot, or tatooed. His skin cannot be penetrated.

7. There is no record of Deux’s fingerprints anywhere in the world. He would rather take off his hands than take off his gloves.

8. M2 only kills really, really stupid people or jack-asses, so he’s doing us all a favor in the long run.

9. When Deux gives an ass kicking, it never has to be kicked again. The substances commonly referred to as “space debris” are really some of those asses still floating around in outer space.

10. M2′s cell phone never rings. If he wants to talk to you, he just looks at his cell phone, and you will be on the line waiting for him.

And FYI, when Mike is a superstar in the Bigs, and they have bobblehead day at the park, he’s going to insist they commission the M2 bobblehead before the Big Penney bobblehead.  Just so you know. You may want to get your order in now.